Worried Woman

Yes, I've gone from Wonder Woman, to Worried Woman.

For the second year in a row, I've been asked to speak at one of the largest journalism conferences. Last year I had such an amazing time doing it, so naturally I couldn't say no. But I also remember that by this time last year, all of my presentation slides were complete (heck, they were done 4 months in advance!) and all I was doing was rehashing and refining my lecture. Wonder Woman, indeed.

Flash forward.

There's 40 days left until this year's conference and only half of my slides are complete. I'm not even sure I have the right message down. Worried Woman. In a household of superheroes, I definitely have not been pulling my weight on that front. But instead of finding the energy deep inside a tall salted caramel mocha,  *ahem* myself, I'm thinking about.... vacation.

I need it. We need it.

Costa Rica. Only 8 days left until we're away from civilization for a while, celebrating our 2nd anniversary...

All I can think about is... just get there. 

That is, until I heard on the news tonight that there are two hurricanes headed right to that country -- and will probably be there by the time we arrive. Worried Woman overtime!

Productivity, come back to me!!!!

Our first Bebe ("behbeh") photo

Dear Bebe, (pronounced "behbeh"),

When we first found out about you, you took our words away. You took our breath away. Heck, I think our hearts even stopped beating for a while. Or maybe it beat so fast that we just had one continuous pulse. Mommy's quick thoughts were: Family vacations! Dressing you up! Back to school! I think Daddy's quick thoughts were more like: West Point! Coaching all your sports! The next Einstein!

You'll probably never remember the moment, but we will never forget any of the details for the rest of our lives. Daddy will never forget being told to sit his tush down. I won't ever forget the way he just wrapped his arms around my stomach and pulled us in really tight. At that moment, he had the whole world in his arms. I'm sure he felt it.

Now we're working tirelessly around the clock to make sure all of your dreams come true, just like ours have.

Welcome to the family Bebe! We can't wait to see the person you will be.

And, we're back

Hi everyone!

As you can tell, I took a blog hiatus, and I'm not sorry about it. Superman came home for good in March, we moved from the Apple to the Bean, both started new jobs (yes, multiple ones for each of us), and we took time rediscover (or maybe discover for the first time) what it's like to finally be at home with each other without another long separation looming.

It's been amazing.

We are truly blessed in every sense of the word. Last year, when I wrote a short letter to God letting Him know where I stood, I had no idea He would roll out the red carpet to this new life. Sometimes it scares me to think about all of the wonderful things. I truly believe no prayer goes unanswered, even if it's not the answer we had in our minds. That belief has always proved right.

Now that Superman is away for the military for a few weeks, I think it's a good time for a blog revival.

Here are just a few quick updates: 

• Remember when me preparing anything in the kitchen besides cereal and spaghetti was a joke? I WAS a complete Appleite through and through. Even had my own tables reserved at some of the best spots in town. Well, a renovated kitchen in the Bean, and a Middle Eastern grocery store down the street put an end to those good ol' days. American food? Not so much. But I have channeled the Syrian woman in me, and Superman loves it -- as witnessed by a quick look over at him the other day while he was shoved an entire arabic chicken wrap in his mouth as if to keep it from running away. But, with whatever yummy things I make in our suburban kitchen, just so we're clear Bean: You can never take brunch away from me.

• While I was out, I was convinced people would find my blog by searching all things 'Army.' Nope. They've found it by searching for 'Belize' and 'Mediterranean Cruise.' I hear ya. We military families need a break! In a few weeks we're headed to Costa Rica, so there'll be plenty more for you to look for.

• The Army wife in me used to say -- Military training? Piece of cake! Deployment? Bring it on! Confession: We've been out of the Army game for quite a while. Between changes in Superman's unit, and the tsunami of a new civilian life, the Army has taken a back seat. Well, more like, the ARMY has thrown US in the back seat! I can't remember the last time I washed an ACU. This time Superman will be away for less than a month -- and I have to admit, we've been so out of the game that I had a bit of a panic attack when he left this morning. A part of me commends the old me that made it through a whole year (with only a few minor freak outs). Another part of me is digging to find where the heck she went. 

• Striking the work-life balance has been even more difficult. A year ago, I'd say work was weighing the scale down. Now, I'd say that life is. I'm trying to keep one foot in each game! But, from experience, when Superman is away, I become more productive than ever, so let's see if that holds true. 

Also, the blog hiatus was because we also have something else cooking ;)

MilSpouse Appreciation Day

Did you know the Friday before Mother’s Day is Military Spouse Appreciation Day?


Well, neither did I, until Ann Marie over at Household6Diva  reminded me. Good to know the Calendar powers that be have got us covered!

And I thought the only calendar day I got was my birthday...

On Death and Dying

Last year I lost a dear friend to an uncurable form of cancer. She was in her mid-20s.

There is so much I didn't know about her while she was alive and knowing now has made me love her even more. I didn't know that she kept a blog about her journey through her diagnosis. Last night, I found the blog and read every single entry.

This made me think about how much I think I might know about my friends and family, but that I really don't. And that I should try even harder.

I've been thinking alot about death and dying lately. As a journalist that's alot of what we see and report. It doesn't help that Superman is now dawning the Blue and each newsroom owns a dreaded police scanner. Every call for backup, every "man down," I hear. In some ways, they've all become a superman to me. So Superman is not thousands of miles away. Sometimes the danger is just a few towns over.

It's made me paranoid I think. But I tell people all the time that this has been an ongoing fear pre-Blue. In fact, we had a not-so-average wedding planning experience. While we were choosing between roses and peonies, silk and chiffon, we were also filling out life insurance policies and writing a Will. That's because we thought Superman was shipping out after the wedding.

It took us back to what was important.

Now, if I let my thoughts get the better of me, I start to spin. When Superman stays late at work and I wake up to find he's not here, I think, what's the hold up. No phone call, no text, did I miss that knock at the door, I should've stayed awake, why didn't I jot that emergency number down, there's no recovering, I will never marry, the sun will never shine, pray, pray, pray.

Many times during her dying days, it seemed like my friend did the same. Woulda, shoulda, coulda. But she really did something about it. I can't say it all because the list of the miraculous things she did to make the world right before she left us would go on forever . But I'll share one insight she offered that resonates.   Only when things go wrong, or when we're at our most vulnerable do we realize what is truly important. But what if we could keep that state during the highs and lows? I mean, what if we could pray at times when we didn't have to ask for something.

I want to live my life so that I don't have to fill out life insurance policies and Wills to realize that floral purchasing decisions are not the end of the world. Things that matter. Things that don't.

That is my resolution to keep.

"And when trouble touches man, he calls Us lying down and sitting down and standing up: then when We remove his 'trouble, he passes on as if he never called Us at the time of any trouble touching him; Thus it has been made fair seeming to the extravagance of  their deeds." [Surat Yunus, Ayah 12]

~Miss you, friend. You are always in the deepest most sincere part of my heart ~

Every Year, Forever

I've been slowly organizing our home since moving in. Moving is the perfect opportunity to sort out life -- keep the things that matter. Toss the things that don't. 

Today, I flipped through an old notebook I was unpacking and this dropped out:

My first anniversary card from Superman. 

Superman was supposed to be in Afghanistan for our first wedding anniversary -- but he wasn't. He was home. We didn't do anything earth-shatteringly amazing on our anniversary like a girl would imagine her first wedding anniversary to be like. Instead, we drove 200 miles to a small town for Superman's Blue orientation day. Then, we turned around and went right back home. Makes sense for us, unfortunately. Work work work... all. the. time. 

The best part of the day was getting that note from Superman. I don't get those as often anymore. It reminded me of when he was deployed --how I'd get notes all the time, and it meant a lot. Not that I'm wishing for more deployments just for a few words, but in this age of electronic everything, there's really something to be said about sentences on a hearty piece of paper. Tears right at the heartstrings of this writer. 

I can't wait to get one of these every year, forever. 

Welcome Back. Done Right.

It's funny how many things we took for granted before moving to the Apple. The list is long, but one of which was our backyard.  

I think we needed the Apple to realize how much place and space we have in our little suburban heaven. 

This summer, we are definitely not taking our place for granted. By no means have I any desire to turn into ms. Suzy Homemaker or a Stepford wife (let's keep it real, folks). But I truly think that being here has given us a renewed sense of spirit. 

With that said... scenes from our first BBQ of the summah!!!