Narrowing down to the end of every period of seperation brings on mixed feelings of anxiety, excitement, stress, fear, happiness... you name it. It's inevitable that I will feel every emotion in the book in these remaining two weeks before Superman comes home.
I never felt anything extraordinary in the thick of our seperations. The middle of a seperation is always well past that jarring feeling of everything to nothing. And in the middle there's no end in sight. So I think as Army wives, we just put the feelings away and just focus on every day. But when the end is near, that's when everything locked away pushes itself out.
But of all the emotions that spouses will endure seperately as they near the end (perhaps one of us might feel excitement, while the other will feel nervous), there's one emotion that ALL spouses will always both feel together.
We are exhausted. In italics.
Exhausted from being in "go" mode ever since we can remember. Exhausted from not finding a "together" place and calling it home. Exhausted from spending more married days apart than together. Exhausted that we talk about friends or coworkers that, until now, our spouse has never met. Exhausted from feeling that any moment will just turn our life upside down again, maybe keep us apart longer. I feel like we're on the last few rotations on the rat wheel, before we can finally hop off and just take a breath.
Superman and I are inherently active people. For the life of me I can't sit through a whole movie. I'm convinced Superman's never had a lazy Sunday in his whole life. But I never really realized it during our time apart how hard we've been working ourselves, and our relationship, and our marriage.
Now I think it's time to force ourselves to let things get easy for a while.
And shoot, it took me 10 grafs to say what Superman said to me in one, complete sentence that resonated so true, that it is ever more appropriate now than just saying I-love-you.
"I want to get boring with you."